how to buy lingerie for a woman

how to buy lingerie for a woman

In love or lust with a lady you'd like to lavish with lingerie? First, pick out exactly what you want and then write that down in the column of "do not buy this."

I'm kidding. Kind of.

It's been said that when it comes to buying gifts for a woman, only jewelry will do. Sweets only serve to make her feel fat and lingerie is really just a gift for the giver. I love jewelry and avoid sweets except for special occasions (like Mondays, Hump Days & Fridays), so I have no problems with that. But I'd say you absolutely can and should buy lingerie for your woman - it just matters how you do it. In fact, the way you go about it is more important than the gift itself.

First, you should understand that if you want any brownie points for buying lingerie you have to convince your lady she is beautiful, sexy and desirable in her own skin. That you only want her to feel as sexy as she looks to you. Repeat after me: "I will not make her feel any pressure whatsoever." The moment you create pressure or an expectation to wear the lingerie for you, it's no longer a thoughtful gift. She needs to wear the lingerie for herself.

So how do you accomplish that? I suggest getting her a gift card from the highest level of luxury retailer you can afford, rather than a set that you surprise her with. Bonus tip: If you zero in on a brand she loves, there’s a much greater probability that she’ll wear the stuff more than once. Hand write a short and sexy but thoughtful note expressing your love and desire for her. Offer the voucher as a gift she can use, if and when she wants, for whatever makes her feel like the crown princess she is to you. Make it clear that she is alluring and fantastic by herself, and you only want to treat her to the finery her body deserves. Be complimentary of how she already turns you on ("I love it when you...") rather than creating expectation ("I wish you would.../I would like it if...").

Then avoid making suggestions about what you want to see her in until she asks for your input. If she doesn't ask, don't tell. This is a challenge of patience for you - speak too soon and you'll ruin the recipe! Rather, play the long game and you'll be rewarded in spades. When she does ask your opinion, you might suggest looking through the catalog together. The key here is to be nonchalant with your input and supportive of pieces she shows interest in : "I agree, I think that corset would accentuate your sexy curves. And black would look amazing on your skin."

It is a fine line between showing your excitement and creating pressure or obligation. But one of the sexiest things a man can do for his lady is to give to her freely, without any sense of due return. Strike a note of pure generosity, with no strings attached, and you will move up the ranks from lowly stable boy to knight in shining armor (this is true with all your gifts, by the way).

Already worn out the gift card route or have your heart set on picking out whalebone and lace yourself? Getting her something that doesn’t suit her body type or personal style can lead to demotion (or even dismissal) so keep these cardinal rules in mind while shopping:

1) Buy the pair. That's bra AND knicker, not just bra or knicker. Or better yet go for the triple threat: bra, knicker, and suspender belt (like the one pictured here). If she doesn't already have stockings you'll have to throw in those too. So technically that's a quadruple threat. Slam-bam-wham-thank you ma'am. You're welcome.

2) Don't forget to consider her personality. Blushing and skittish? Check out Stella McCartney. Bold and adventurous? Nichole de Carle is your gal. Into roleplay? You can't go wrong with Murmur's Private Playground. Mrs. Robinson's vibe? Fortnight is your best bet.

3) Also take into consideration the occasion. For example, for Valentine's Day or an anniversary, feel free to be more risqué. For a birthday or Christmas, err on the side of conservative. If you're apologizing, then you're getting her something that is truly only for her. In flannel. I'M KIDDING. Something that she's been coveting for a while but would never dare splurge on. Stumped? Olivia von Halle makes gorgeous silk nightwear befitting of your queen (and equivalent to playing a "get out of sleeping on the couch for one night" card).

4) Always go with something that's silk and lace, versus polyester or spandex. Always.

5) If you're still stumped don't be afraid to visit the lingerie shop in person and trust the sales girls. Most are pros and happy to help. Knowing her sizes is of course helpful. Consider bringing a picture (NOT naked) of how your lady dresses so they can get a taste of her style and shape.

6) Wrap it nicely. Either yourself or have the salesperson or nice online retailer shipping person wrap it for you. It doesn't matter as long as you don't present it to her in a plastic bag out of fear of rejection or laziness or both.

The robe and nightie photographed for this post were purchased with a For Love & Lemons gift card given to me by my hubtographer for my birthday. I solicited his advice and it was fun contemplating which pieces to get. In fact, just browsing through the options with each other created titillating excitement that carried into the anticipation of the lingerie's arrival and the big reveal when I tried it on for him the first [but not only] time. They may or may not be pieces he would've chosen on his own, but most importantly I love them and they make me feel great. And, as we all know, if Mama feels great then, well... let's just say that's when magic happens. ;) Lingerie is truly the gift that keeps on giving.

Ladies, feel free to share this advice with that man in your life who might need a helping hand in the gift-giving department. And do you have any of your own advice to share? I would love to read them in the comments below.


What I'm Wearing

For Love and Lemons - Cindy Robe (XS) in White

For Love and Lemons - Elle Nightie (XS) in Black


Where I'm At

Villa Armena, Toscana, Italia

baby steps

baby steps

passion waning?

passion waning?